becoming Superwoman

for the longest time, my life has never been this toxic until this week. i feel like i'm being pulled on every side, all demanding a part of me.

one of our staff is on maternity leave, thus leaving me the role of a bookkeeper. in the middle of the week, our IT person asked permission to leave for Manila. a relative died. he'll be back after the long weekend. that meant i'd cover for him. my sister, who normally oversees the operations, is snorkelling somewhere in Galera, while I am left to perform the roles of 3 people. let us not leave the fact that dad is in town (he normally spends equal time both here and in Manila since most of the business transactions have to be done there). translation: i am at his beg and call 24/7 (well, that's an overstatement. but i practically have to be available for him whenever. wherever). and of course, mom's liaison officer (a.k.a. errand girl).

in my friendster account, i joke about my occupation as a COO (Child of the Owner). i'm re-thinking of changing it to AVP (any vacant position):

prepare the payroll. look for the missing check vouchers. email me this report. monitor the chatroom. make sure the internet's working. change my cellphone's wallpaper. what's the Census website? file our real estate papers and waybill the 3 titles to Manila. fax the cover page of our SEC papers. what do we do with the minicab? it's broken. order surplus tires in Rosario. are you writing this down? have you scheduled the technicians for the holiday? activate the addressable boxes. they have all timed out. call this company and ask for a price quotation. text me the product key of our licensed software. go to the next town and meet with the cable boss. have him sign this document. transfer this amount of money. prepare to teach for the retreat. attend the dryrum. look for technicians to vulcanize the tires.

WAAAAHH!!!!

i can only do so much :(

i have limitations too you know?

i'm not complaining. i just hope that they remember my turmoil when i ask for a 2-month vacation.

honestly, i was at the brink of breaking down. but i didn't. i faced all these responsibilities with enough fortitude, albeit feeble. i came, i saw, i conquered (save for the five minutes i shed a few tears).

wee

i love the wee hours of morning.

specially driving. on my drive back to ilocos from rosario, la union last Sunday, the road was practically all to myself! if i may use Jack's expression, "I am the Queen of the Road!!". it's such a pleasurable experience. no traffic. no heat of the sun. no stressful crazy drivers to compete with. and no pesky trikes popping out of nowhere, instantly killing your momentum.

pique.. vexation.. aversion

don't you just hate drivers driving on dimlights...and right before they get past you, they instantly switch to BRIGHT lights , therefore blinding you for a few milliseconds by the instant glare?

GRRRR!!! >:<

(this is more common in the provinces. the city is well-lit you don't even have to use bright lights.)

unWanted: social worker

i have reached my saturation point.

i no longer enjoy work. i find it monotonous and routinary.

i'm in that stage in life where i'm looking for my purpose... searching for my meaning. one friend calls it the quarter-life crisis.

however you want to call it, i realized that if social pressure, parents' expectations and financial capability were not factors, i'd rather be a ... social worker... roaming around the world offering my services. but you see, to be able to do that, i'd need money. lots of money. and for me to have money, i need to work. and how can i work if i'm not happy with what i'm doing?

*sigh* the cycle is so depressing.

if that's not enough to bring my hopes down, i've googled some volunteer sites (UN volunteers, volunteer abroad, etc) and discovered that "skilled" workers are highly preferred-- meaning you either have to be in the medical field. or a policy advisor. or a natural heritage protection specialist. or an environmental coastal zone specialist. you must have experience in project support. or you must have a good working knowledge in at least one of the languages (Arabic, French, Portuguese, Russian, Spanish). and the list goes on and on.

well, thank you. i am none of the above :c

yes, fate had me destined to be an average person.

i am just a simple girl who was wide awake when God showered the gift of wanderlust, who has an insatiable desire to capture the world through my digicam, and has a heart for indigents. period.

if it counts, i am low maintenance. i can easily blend in. i have a missionary's stomach (thanks to my beloved country's wide gastronomic array of street food)... i can sleep without a mosquito net... i can take a bath anywhere where there's water... i can walk for hours under the heat of the sun... i can carry loads of goods... i can survive days without computer and internet (if need be.. so help me God!)... i can pick up foreign language fast:

Japanese for "I don't speak Nihongo": Sumimasen nga, Nihongo wa wakarimasen;
German for "Good morning": Guten Morgan;
Hindi for "I'm full": Paet Barghiya;
Karen for "Jesus loves you": Kasa Yuwa Ena;
Greek for "God bless you": Theos Evloeate;
Taiwanese for "I don't understand": Wo pu chi tawa;
Italian for "Let this be our prayer": Nella mia preghiera;
Chinese/Mandarin for "Thank you": Shih Shieh;
Arabic for "Thank you": Shukran

...and adapt to a country's English accent or manner of speaking:
* Australian: G'day might! Care for some wo-tah? There's heaps. Heloi.
Translation: Good day mate. Care for some water? There's plenty. Hello.
* Indian: You dress smart. You look like a doll. Let me take some snaps.
Translation: You dress well. You are beautiful. Let me take some photos.
* Swedish: Folksvagen. Vat is ze mater viz you? Vatefer.
Translation: Volkswagen. What is the matter with you? Whatever.

...just so they pick me.

but no. sadly, my qualifications do not fit the bill. either you have the money or you have the skills.

had i known volunteering held such :high: standards and so much requirements, i would've joined "Pinoy Big Brother" or "Game Ka Na Ba?". maybe winning my first million would be easier. i'd be happy being just a philanthropist.

currently in my playlist::

"Just a Ride"
Jem






"Bad Day"
Daniel Powter




"Chariot"
Gavin DeGraw

Whyosis

i have not been myself lately.

the first few paragraphs of Rod Nepomuceno's Monday (Oct. 10 '05 to be exact) column It's a Wonderful Life has put words in my mouth.

i'm in that stage in my life where i suffer a mild case of "Whyosis".

***

in the meantime, i find comfort in knowing that my God still accepts me as i am.

Psalms 51:17 - The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

at a loss for words

...

myheart

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately corrupt; who can understand it?

- Jeremiah 17:9

pork

a few months ago, i decided to cut back on my pork intake. just to be fit. then i read a portion of Don Colbert's book, "What Would Jesus Eat?". On page 49, he gives a very scientific explanation:

"Pigs eat enormous amounts of food, and this dilutes the hydochloric acid in a pig's stomach. This in turn allows toxins, viruses, parasites, and bacteria to be absorbed into the animal's flesh..They [swine] will eat garbage, feces, and even decaying flesh. All that is eaten usually becomes part of the pig's own flesh. Pigs readily harbor parasites including Trichinella, the pork tapeworm, and toxoplasmosis."

That explanation was sufficient to keep me from eating pork. Ever.