reunited

in the four short days i was in Manila, i did a lot of catching up. met gradeschool friends, colleagues from my previous job, college friends (one of whom got married), and mission-mates.

technology has its way of paying back. most of these friends i wouldn't have gotten in touch with if it weren't for friendster.

with melvie

college peeps : quelly, me, katie, jake and judy, chris (partly hidden), racqui, melanie, and melvs

friends from mission: naida, reych, pinky, mavic, ira and kc (potential recruits), cecille
and me

gradeschool friends: janice
irene and me

split second

deciding between driving to megamall and commuting was a no-brainer. considering a) my left thigh is already sore from the city's traffic condition (... mind you, i've only been driving for less than half the day), b) i'm almost about to go beyond my 10am-3pm window (Metro Manila's leeway for motorists travelling with their coded vehicles), and c) the amount i'd be spending on parking for a 6-hour stay, i opted to take the MRT instead.

since i've been commuting to work for almost a year and a half (until i joined the family business in the province last 2003), the entire act was routinary-- walk to East Ave, take the jeep, drop off at GMA, buy a ticket, stand on the 2nd ledge from the front, and wait for the train to arrive.

everything went as usual except when we reached Cubao station, the train was stopping at a very slow motion. upon reaching its standby position, the doors opened and the engine was turned off. we waited. a minute passed. two minutes. three. five minutes. and in a split second, i smelled a foul odor normally arising from a failed combustion or a faulty mechanism, heard the sound of something resembling a stampede getting louder, saw people in front of me scurrying to get out of the train, recalled in my mind images i saw on TV of the V-day bombing, and i, out of fear, somehow managed to get out as well. all of these occured in a twinkling of an eye. while everyone waited outside the train, i uttered a prayer asking God to grant each of us PEACE. i prayed that this PEACE would come upon each passenger and overcome all fear we felt inside.

everyone was clueless about what happened, and without any explanation, the train began to slowly move away empty. just as the pandemonium took place in a split second, everyone snapped back to normal just as quick. we scuttled back onto the next train as if nothing happened. the scene inside the moving train was as normal as any other trip without the people even knowing what just occured.. and i began to wonder, "What if it was a bomb? or a failed engine even? And something actually happened? How many lives would've been taken?"

Life passes us by quickly. and all the more i see that these material and worldly things we are after are but fleeting.

October beach bumming

Pug-os Beach, Cabugao, Ilocos Sur

curious mind

I took one of those many personality tests, and the result came out pretty much true. Some of you might not even find time to read it, but what the hey?

Shawi, your subconscious mind is driven most by Curiosity

This means you are full of questions about life, people, and the potential of your future. You spend more time than others envisioning the possibilities of your life — things that others are too afraid to consider.

Your curiosity burns with an almost physical need to know and do more. It's only through new experiences that you feel a greater understanding of yourself or the world — which ultimately is the greatest way for you to feel satisfied.

It is possible that the underlying reason for your drive towards curiosity is a deeply rooted fear of boredom. That means that you are probably more susceptible than others to feel like you're falling into a rut when life slows down into a comfortable routine.

You need to make sure you have stimulation in your life — that makes you feel like you're innovating or being exposed to the ideas and experiences that truly inspire you.

With such a strong orientation towards curiosity, you're also prone to a rebellious quality that shows up when you feel you are just going through the motions, and are unable to really influence the world around you. But interestingly enough, your drive towards novel experiences also indicates an openness others don't have, but wish they did.

Unconsciously, your curiosity presses you to learn more, experience more, and get the most out of life.

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Curiosity, there is much more to who you are at your core.

The problem with a surveillance

The problem with a surveillance camera is that you cannot see everything. We have 3 installed within the perimeters of the office and yet, it doesn’t cover all we want to see. That’s why I found this prayer more effective:

“…for God has come to prove you, so that the [reverential] fear of Him may be before you, that you may not sin.”

(Emphasis mine.)
-Exodus 20:20
Amplified Bible

Every time I pray for our staff, I pray that the Lord would instill a holy fear in their hearts.. that they may not sin.

love story

remembering the death of a loved one

it's been 7 years since my brother died. it was a quick death. i didn't even had the chance to say goodbye. the last i saw of him was at the operating room of the Lung Center of the Philippines. he was lying there with tubes in his mouth and chest. his stomach bloated. "He's stable," the doctor said and sent us home. a few hours later, we received a call informing us that Marchand's dead.
my brother died on a January. when we first visited his grave November of that year, the pain was still fresh and i was totally apalled at how others celebrated All Saints and All Souls. i must admit, we used to be one of them. but it changes the way you view things specially when the one you lost is special and close to your heart. i was surprised at how this sacred event was turned into a "party" of some sort-- people spend the night, set up tents, bring food, and entertain themselves endlessly.

where is the reverence in all of this?

on a personal note, i'd like to remember my brother on a day other than November 1-- when everyone else is at home and the graveyard is all to myself. it's more intimate that way. and flowers? i don't have anything against it, except that the living would be able to appreciate it more than the dead.

@-->---

today, i remembered the death of another loved One. on our two-day retreat, we watched a portion of the "Passion of the Christ". and as it did the first time i saw it, i was a tad emotional.

alright, not a little. i was emotional.

a little too emotional probably, since i was already trying to choke back the tears, but i shed a handful of tears anyway (to say a bucket would be exagerrating it).

while everyone else was remembering the dead, i was remembering Someone who died for me with no other reason but love on His mind. i cried not because of the gore, but because i felt His love emanating from each wound He suffered.

it was because of His love that He died for you and me.

it was because of the pressures in life that He sweat blood. He took the shame and the hurting words that would've been ours when His face was smitted by a rod. it was to take our pride and poverty that He wore a crown of thorns. He took 39 major lashes on His back to spare and heal us from any incurable disease. He considered our inconsistencies in life and our unfaithfulness to Him when His knee was broken while carrying the cross. He saw our wounded heart when His side was speared. and He saved us from all our unrighteous deeds and ancestral curses when His hands and feet were nailed on the cross.

that's how much He loves us. and there is no greater love than this.

all we have to do is receive.

sing, o barren one

looking back, i found solace amidst the rhubarb. i found refuge in the keys. as i began playing to a tune, i was releasing some of my hurts and my exhaustion. the moment i played a familiar worship song, tears welled up my eyes. and though my voice was a bit croaky and wavey, i felt a sense of calm embrace me.

now, it doesn't come as a surprise that videokes are such a hit. people love to sing. and it's with singing that they let out their emotions.

i'm sure God knew about this all along. it was never a secret. that's how he wired us human beings.

Isaiah 54:1 - "Sing, O barren one, who did not bear; break forth into singing and cry aloud, you who have not been in travail! For the children of the desolate one will be more than the children of her that is married, says the LORD."