cured amnesia

Christmas should be that time of the year when you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, possess this certain feeling of peace and elation that is a bit ethereal, and generally just feel "good".

well, it's the exact opposite for me.

apart from the Christmas lights sprawled on our garden, and the chilly breeze that blows occasionally, all that makes of my Christmas, is the 13th month pay that i received (and had to prepare).. the numerous gifts mom wrapped for our staff (and their children).. the red "ampao" envelopes i have to fill for my godchildren (God knows how many of them i now have!).. the hot chocolate (my favorite comfort drink of all times) i take during my quiet time in the morning and before anyone else at home awakens.. and the same pesky (forgive me Lord) children beating their make-shift drums while they shout off-key Christmas carols at the top of their lungs who come back our house every single night since the first of December and whom we sometimes, er, most of the time deliberately ignore (forgive us again, Lord).

instead of the lightness in heart, i am bogged down by this thing called worry:

1. we recently discovered a subscriber who tapped 4 extensions into his house/apartment ILLEGALLY. and they're being hard-headed despite the charges filed against them.
2. our only IT staff finally decided to work abroad (he who works skillfully and swiftly and whom we have depended much of our media content with).
3. two of our blocktimers have been very delinquent with their payments (3 months minimum and the entire year tops), that i personally want to cut off their broadcast.
4. the year is already ending and we still don't have a decent financial statement.
5. we bear much pressure while we await to see if our holiday promo clicks.
6. our three househelps are quarelling like crazy. it is such a burden just to see them point their fingers at each others' faults.
7. we have incurred a lot of expenses lately that we're always on the guard to make sure our bank account has sufficient funds (imagine how difficult it would be to break the news to our staff if we can't give their 13th month pay on time because we're not liquid. that is just heartbreaking.)

so tell me, how am i supposed to enjoy Christmas?

but all these just boils to one thought:

that i am NOT in control.
God is.

and that worrying will not make things easier. nor solve any of these problems.

amidst this chaos, i was reminded. i have remembered to call on the only Supreme Being who is immensely capable of turning things around for me. you see, i have this mild case of amnesia. and sometimes i easily forget.

come to think of it, i have never been this much closer to Him than any other Christmases i've had.

paradigm shift.

isn't that what this season ought to be? it may not come in the exact packaging we expected it to be, but the lesson stays the same: REMEMBER our Lord and Saviour.

when was the last time you remembered?